M. D. K.

The acronym was coined in the movie “Demolition Man” …..  Murder, Death, Kill. It’s the ultimate “I don’t want to talk about this subject” conversation topic. But death is the inevitable end to all life. The only real question is how it arrives.

Death is a natural part of life, unless you end your life by your own choice. That’s the main difference between suicide and every other way to die. It’s not an accident, it’s not some other person causing this, it’s YOU. And while ending one’s own life should be an available choice to every individual who is suffering from a painful or debilitating sickness, it should be the absolute last resort. Too often people kill them self (or try to) for trivial, emotional reasons.

Suicide has crept near my life several times through the years:

  • When I first hear the lyrics to the theme music from the TV show “M*A*S*H”, I could not believe anyone would write a song about suicide. I was stunned, but I was just a child and it would be many years before I learned how suicide would really affect a person.
  • 3 students in my high school died in one year, giving the school the nick-name “Suicide High”. If I remember correctly, one was a boyfriend-girlfriend combo (Romeo & Juliet style) and the other was a quiet girl that nobody noticed. One of the best schools in the most affluent county in all of the USA, and guess what, it happens there too.
  • My father’s cousin, Frank, killed himself after dealing (badly) with depression and alcoholism. I was the executor of his estate and I learned quite a bit about the man after he was gone.
  • An old friend of mine, Paul, tried to end his life after he had suffered a stroke that went un-diagnosed for over a year. His body had atrophied so badly that he did not have the strength to completely cut his own wrist. He was taken to the hospital and later he’d be placed in a nursing home where he spent the last 6 years of his life, fingers clenched in unnatural angles, barely able to communicate, slowly wasting away until complications from pneumonia finally put him down.
  • My ex-wife had numerous medical problems, mostly centered around kidney failure at age 18. Long story –> short, it was over a decade after we were divorced when she decided she was tired of being a pin cushion, and refused dialysis treatment. It took less than a week for the toxins to overwhelm her body, leaving our son with many unanswered questions.
  • I have often thought about some famous people who had killed them self, such as Kurt Colbain, Michael C. Ruppert,  and Robin Williams. Whether it was drugs influencing their mind or just “taking the easy way out” of an otherwise long & painful disease, their death does affect countless fans in ways they probably could not comprehend beforehand. I sure wish they had considered it though.
  • One time during my first marriage, I had contemplated murder, suicide, and both; but ultimately I chose neither because it was the morally right thing to do. And I’m glad I made that choice.

In the end, life is a “zero sum game”; which really means our own lives are inherently no different than any other life. The only real difference we can make is how we affect other people and their lives.

12o7o6

 

About hemibill

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